Margolies October Article

Fear has been a word that comes to mind this past year. Not fearing things or changes but rather overcoming fears that I had. The first that comes to mind right off the bat was fear of succeeding. I think I always sabotaged my success out of fear of what that success might bring, whether it be careerwise or weight loss. I vowed after surgery that was never going to happen again. I was going to dive right into things and not be fearful. The universe was giving me a do over in life and I was going to embrace it. People have commented on my success. I personally do not call it a success but rather my journey is a work in progress. At times I am more successful than at other times. Some have been inspired and at times I feel some pressure with the website article, being asked to give speeches and being called by other patients for advice. But I do not and will not run from it . I will embrace my successful moments. So much of this year has been overcoming fear. I had a fear of speed so I bike down mountains now, I had a fear of snakes and so on the streets of Vegas I paid some guy five bucks to hold his ten foot python, “ Bob” for a few moments. I had a fear of rejection and so I lost 200 lbs went back into Hollywood only to learn they like me better for television fat. Now I am just another fit white guy in Los Angeles. At my age I don’t care because I had another fear. Fear of deserving happiness. And now I am happy every minute of the day so I do not worry about the rejection in Hollywood. I had a fear of being ridiculed and so after the Yankees lost the most humiliating defeat to that dreaded Boston in baseball history, I proudly put on my Yankee jacket and cap and marched into the gym only to be abused by band- wagon jumpers for Boston. So I have spent a good part of the year getting over past fears and diving into them. So why am I sharing this with you? Well the truth is I have been put on such a pedestal by some folks that I developed a fear of showing my imperfections to the people of the WLS community. I felt it important to play up my strengths and brush aside the weaker moments. But that is wrong. If I am to do this correctly I must get over the fear of what someone out there who I might or might not know thinks of me. And I must share with you every aspect of this journey. Otherwise there is no point.

And so I am about to expose my deepest secret. Are you ready? I am not perfect far from it. I look pretty good in clothes and my physique looks pretty good. I worked long hours to build good muscle tone and I spent many hours working on cardio. I worked 1000 of hours because I feared that I would have saggy skin if I did not. I thought that by putting in the long hours in the gym, I would prevent the saggy skin syndrome and thus avoid the need for plastic surgery. Despite my hard work efforts, my deepest fear came to pass.I do indeed suffer from the syndrome. My belt line sags as does my nipples, they are slightly lower than where they should be. My thighs are a mess and I hate how the skin folds over my knees. Porn acting is definitely not in my immediate future. This is the number one question people ask me about. For the longest time I have avoided it. For fear of what people might think of me. Then as I was listening to questions about it at the California Payer Provider’s symposium, I realized that I am the right guy to ask about saggy skin. And so I am sharing even this aspect of WLS with you.

I have not fully decided how I am going to deal with this. Firstly it is too early for me to go in and get plastic surgery. I really need to stabilize another ten months at the same weight. I also need to start doing my research on reconstructing my body and see if it is worth it to me. There are financial considerations and risk factors to think about. Doing the WLS was to become healthy and improve quality of life. There really was very little choice for me. I was going to become extremely ill and if I survived to fifty I would have been lucky. The plastic surgery would right now be for my ego because I am not totally miserable and I am not suffering medical conditions as a result of the extra skin. That is not to say that I wont develop some conditions both physical and or mental. But for now I am so excited about the future that the saggy skin is not bothering me all that much and it is not impeding me from doing my daily activities. Yes I am aware of it but I am no longer fearful of it. Especially since I just shared it with all of you. I would rather have the saggy skin and my present lifestyle than go back to 406lbs sit in in a dark room eating Ben and Jerry’s and watching television for hours on end. Maybe I am fearful of going under the knife for what can be as long as six hours. Maybe I am fearful of the scars as a result of the surgery. I know that in time I will have to face this fear. But for now I am safe in the knowledge that nothing can be done for at least a year. And so for the next year I will study up on the subject in the hopes of making the best educated decision, choosing the best doctor for me and overcoming yet another fear. Until next time.